I don’t know how he did it, or why it happened, but he woke me.

I was forty years old. I would get out of bed each and every day, wash my face, brush my teeth, go to work, take on my responsibilities, go home and start all over in the morning.

I had never been married. I had no children. I guess you could say the career I spent all my time on had became my lover. Years before I felt something in me die. It came one night after I had my fill of shallow, selfish men who wanted nothing more than to turn me into another notch on their headboard.

Life was not always kind. I had been cursed with large breasts. I always thought it was funny, stupid funny, not ha-ha funny when my friends complained about having small or even average sized breasts. Didn’t they realize that it was the first thing people noticed when they met me? It is hard to be taken seriously when you have large breasts and large breasts and long hair… well forget it.

I am not going to lie and say that I didn’t make the most of what I have. Of course I love to feel feminine and beautiful. What woman doesn’t? After a while however.. I got sad.

Just once I wished a man would see me for who I was inside and not blindly lust for what I thought of as my curse… the outside.

Then, I met him - my life changed.

He was sitting there across the room. His eyes were lit up like a childs on Christmas morning. He smiled, he laughed, and somehow he drew me to him without even knowing it.

I sat there and watched him until my drink grew warm. Then he turned and caught my eye. His expression turned from playful to serious and back to playful. Then, he winked at me.

My face grew warm, the palms of my hands wet and I pretended to be annoyed. Honestly though… I was embarrassed. I don’t stare at men. I don’t lose control. I don’t even want to be interested in men. Yet I was interested.. In this particular man.

I can’t do this. I stood up leaving my drink on the table and made my way through the crowded party to the other side of the room. I opened the door and walked out. The late night air stole my breath away and sent shivers racing down my spine. It was brisk, but refreshing.

The view from my friends balcony was amazing. The moon seemed to send a cascade of diamonds down and over a small lake. I stood there for a long time, lost in thought.

I shivered in the chill night air and wrapped my arms tightly around myself. I should go in I thought.

Then I felt a presence and a jacket was being placed around my shoulders. Looking up I saw him. He stood there looking down at me with a small smile. He never spoke, just turned his attention on the night landscape.

“Thanks”. I said as I held his jacket out to him.

He looked at me, took it and just as I was turning away he said one word that stopped me in my tracks. I couldn’t move. I could barely breath.

“Jen?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t go. Don’t go please?”

“How?…….” but before I could finish my sentence he answered me.

“Isabelle told me who you were after I caught you staring at me.”

“I wasn’t staring” I said indignantly.

The corners of his mouth twitched. His eyes smiled. I melted.

“OK. I was. Just a little. But only because I don’t know who you are and I have never seen you before. I was curious. That’s all.”

His mouth now took on a full blown smile and his eyes weren’t mocking me, yet they were screaming that he knew the truth.

“I’m Luc. It’s nice to meet you.”

………………

We moved to a small table in the corner of the balcony. Hours passed by and before I knew it I realized that I was no longer chilled, and the sun was coming up. We had talked about everything and anything. We teased, and we laughed until I cried and my cheeks hurt from smiling.

“I had better go.” He said. “I know it’s Saturday, but I still have to work.”

“Ok.” I tried to not let disappointment settle into my voice.

We exchanged phone numbers and email addresses.

Early fall turned into late fall. Then winter into spring. Luc and I became amazingly close friends. We knew each other better than most people who have spent a lifetime together do. The sexual tension between us was palpable, yet nothing more than intense flirting happened. He was giving me time. He knew how hurt I had been. I appreciated that. Yet secretly, I knew that if he pushed just a bit, I would have him in my bed faster than either of us could anticipate.

And then it happened.

It was late June and we had just finished a late night swim. I stood on the pool deck drying myself with a towel when he walked up behind me, took the towel and pulled it away.

This was not the normal playful banter I had grown comfortable with. There he was standing behind me. I could not feel his body, but his presence was overpowering.

“Jen.”

I gulped.

“Jen?”

“Jennifer.” His voice grew slightly stern.

“Yes?” I choked.

“ I want you.”

Oh God. Every cell in my body grew tense. My knees grew weak. His voice.. That voice I loved so much was so softly caressing me, yet demanding I turn and look at him.

“I want you too.” I whispered. My eyes met his and the intensity and desire I found there made me quickly look away. His fingers pushed upwards on my chin forcing me to look into his determination once more.

Then I felt it. His kiss. For the first time his mouth claimed mine. It was soft and tender, gentle and warm, seeking, exploring and demanding all at the same time.

When we parted I felt a tug on the top of my swimsuit, and it fell to my waist. I was exposed. The cool night air make my breasts pucker and reach out for him. I didn’t have to wait long. His hands covered me, and I heard a moan. I don’t know if it came from him, or me, or both of us.

Luc caressed my breasts making me feel more beautiful, more valued, more desired than I ever had before. He took a step backwards. He stood there and looked at me. His gaze traveled from my eyes to my lips which were slightly swollen from his kiss, to my shoulders and then.. To my breasts, my stomach and the wet triangle of fabric that covered the place I so desperately wanted him to touch next.

His hand found mine and we walked into the house towards the comfort of my bed.

His body covered mine. His lips sought mine out. His hands touched every part of me and I was lost.

Out of this erotic fog I heard his voice.

“Jen? Will you open your legs and let me do whatever I want?”

My face flushed hotly. I was amazed. I was scared. I was intrigued. But more than anything I realized something that I had needed, yet fought, for so long was finally a part of my life.

He owned me. He owned my heart. He owned my soul. He owned my body. I never thought I would ever feel this way. I never thought I would be able to completely turn myself over so completely to anyone. Yet here I was trusting him like I had trusted no one before. I was safe. I was secure. I was happy and I was free.

“Yes.” I whispered as I slowly opened my legs.

He made me his with a passionate abandon I had never before experienced.

When it was over, I laid there breathless, tired, sated, happy, amazed and peaceful.

………………….

I wish I could say we stayed together, but we didn’t.

He was much younger than I was. We were at different points in our lives. He wanted something different than I did.

I still talk to him from time to time. I want nothing more than for him to be completely happy. He will forever hold an amazingly special place in my heart. I am grateful to him.

Everything has changed in my life. Everything has changed inside me. But there is one thing that will never change. I will always be his. He still owns my heart.

Chances are I will never have the chance love him like I did those few magical nights that one special summer. That is ok. Just knowing I did. Just knowing he woke me - gives me hope. And hope…. Well… Hope is all I need.

9/15/06